The Purpose of Marriage

What is the purpose of marriage? For every person you ask you will probably get a different answer. But if God instituted marriage as I have said in almost every marriage ceremony I have performed. Then God has to be a key factor in defining the purpose of marriage.

So let’s start by laying some foundational truths about God.

He loves us and wants us to be like Him.

2 Corinthians 3:18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

So as Christians we should reflect God’s glory because we love Him. Our love for Him should cause a desire within us to know Him better, for it is only through knowing Him that we can begin to love Him and the evidence of our love is our desire to become like Him and further being transformed daily is truly proof of our love.

I realize that not everyone had an earthly father that was a good example, some may have difficulty with this illustration, If you are one of those people, then I suggest you think of someone else that you admire.

I was very fortunate to have a good example as a father, although he has told me on a few occasions that he did not think he was a good example in some areas, However as I grew up I found myself becoming more like him. I will catch myself all the time imitating him in mannerisms or when I laugh, it is not something that I am actually conscious of, it is just a result of loving him and having spent time with him. Being like him is involuntary it is just who I have become.

In the same manner in which we become like our earthly fathers, we also become more like our heavenly Father. Although it is nice to have reminders like WWJD (what would Jesus do?), I really think that when we are transformed we do not need the reminders anymore. I never in all my years said to myself “Ok, what would my Dad do in this situation?” I didn’t need to, I had become so much like him that I did not need to remind myself to be like him, I just was. I think the same happens when we love God, we become like Him because we love him.

We can not be transformed into His likeness without spending a lot of time with Him. Or as I have often said, you can not become like Him unless you know what He is like.

I am sure you have also heard the banker’s example. I am not sure if this is true anymore, but it used to be said that bankers were taught to recognize a counterfeit bill by being set in a room with tons of non counterfeit money. The more they handled it the more they knew the true bills, after a long period of time handling the real bills a counterfeit was introduced. They immediately knew which one it was because they had spent so much time getting to know the look and feel of the genuine bills. I have always liked this illustration because it seems to correlate to our knowing Christ and His teachings. We can only spot the fake if we have spent enough time with the Truth. The only way to truly know God is to spend time getting to know Him. Imitating someone is the greatest form of love.

So do you really love Him? If so then you are probably reading His word, His love letter to you and pursuing a deeper knowledge and understanding of who He is.

God’s purpose for us individually is that we be transformed into His image, to become less and less like ourselves and more and more like Him every day. This requires sacrifice and change that can sometimes be uncomfortable. But God is glorified by our transformation.

I bet you can just guess what is next, it seems so simple. If God instituted marriage and His purpose for us is that we become like Him, then the purpose of marriage is to change us or transform us into God’s likeness.

Some of you are thinking, but what about companionship, romance and many other reasons for getting married. Sure there are other reasons, but the other reasons are not the ones people usually forget, which is the reason I am writing this book.

During pre-married counseling I usually make a point of sharing with couples that I think they should write their own vows, and then I go on to suggest that they include something like this.

I ________ take you ________ to be my husband/wife. I will accept all conflict between us as God’s way of stretching me, molding me and making me into His image. No matter how uncomfortable I may be, No matter how difficult it becomes, I will choose to open my heart and mind to change and learn from God through every experience. I will not blame you for everything that goes wrong, but instead I will acknowledge God’s perfect plan and His desire to use you to make me a Godly man/woman. I will try each day to follow God’s example in His sacrifice for us on the cross and put aside my desires for your benefit and consider your needs above my own. This is my vow and with all that I am in Christ and all that He has given me I will honor you all the days of my life.

God wants to use our spouses as tool to make us into the man or woman He wants us to be. Remembering this daily has stopped lots of arguments in my home. Most times the battle is not against her but more about wanting my way.

Almost every time I have sat together with married couples struggling in their marriage, I hear accusations and finger pointing comments and both individuals are usually focused on how the other is not meeting their needs. Very rarely do I hear confessions, apologies and commitment filled comments. By nature we seem to want to change everyone around us to be like us or see things the way we do. It is natural to think you are right. But if God wants us to be transformed into His image, then we are obviously flawed and are not as “right” as we think we are.

Another thought is that if we are so right then why do we tend to pick spouses that are so unlike us. I think it is in our make up. We are made imperfect and true fulfillment will only come when we experience the differences and find we are lacking.

Obviously we are not fulfilled, we are not complete. I’m sure you have heard the very well intended comment “You complete me.” Well the truth is that no person can complete us. This is a job exclusively held by your loving heavenly Father. Now, before you get upset with me, I do believe that God can use our spouses to meet our needs, but that is the point, we should never forget the Source. God made him or her for you, therefore He is the one meeting your needs. I hope you believe this, because if you do, then you will know who to turn to next time you feel your needs are not being met. If we could remember this concept and commit it to memory, then there would be a lot less finger pointing in our marriages. Without the finger pointing we can focus our attention on God and ask Him to meet our needs. God’s desire is that we seek Him, so we will be accomplishing two things by using this approach. We will have less blaming and arguments with our spouses and we will draw closer to God by seeking Him.

Seeking God through prayer together every day is the best advice anyone can give you. As we pray together we are agreeing with God that He is 1st and that our relationship with Him is a priority and the foundation of our relationship with each other. We are also agreeing together that we will rely on Him to meet our needs and not blaming our spouse when our needs are not met.

I encourage you to begin praying together every day. If you miss a day, don’t beat yourself up, just keep pressing on toward the mark as Paul says

Philippians 3:14

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Praying together about your needs will prove to be very helpful. It will be even more effective if you can acknowledge before God and your spouse of your failures.

I would like to present this challenge to you. “Begin each day on your knees asking God to forgive you for your sins, and then turn to your spouse and ask them to forgive you. Tell them you know you have failed them and that you will try even harder to love them as God loves them.” Try it. You will be amazed at what God will do.

During a recent family vacation, God gave me some much needed inspiration about prayer that I believe might be helpful as you pursue developing your prayer life together. – Read Praying with Eyes Wide Open

Read with Me!