Marriage Degree

Why don’t we have to have a marriage degree to get married? Everything else in life we have to study for. We get certifications in just about everything. If you want to be a financial planner, you have to study hard for years and get several certifications before becoming a CFP (Certified Financial Planner). And I should know my wife has this designation, I saw all the studying she had to do to get it. And what if you wanted to be an attorney or a doctor? You would have to do years of study and get a degree, and even then that wouldn’t necessarily make you a good doctor or attorney.

My point is we work very hard and study sometimes for years to get the job we want. Why don’t we do the same before we get married? After all it is one of the most complex relationships on earth. We have to perform surgery on our hearts all the time in marriage, sometimes on our own hearts, and other times on our spouses. Tell me a man who understands a woman’s heart? Most will say it’s impossible. Tell me a woman who has figured out how to tame a man’s heart and then I will tell you she has done the wrong thing. He is supposed to be wild, it is what makes him a man.

So why shouldn’t we be required to get a degree before getting married? Some will seek pre-marriage counseling. I have had the privilege of helping couples get ready for marriage. But even 3 or 4 sessions before getting married, just isn’t enough. Most will say, “You don’t understand we are different, we understand each other, we are in love.” And after being married sometimes only weeks later, they say, You were right about…Fill in the blank with any number of issues.

It bothers me when I suggest a book about marriage and people don’t take the time to read it. By far the most relevant book about marriage is none other than the Bible. You see marriage was instituted by God, a line I often use when performing a marriage ceremony. So if God designed it, then He must know a little about it. So we need to be studying His word to help us become better at being married.

It’s never too late, whether you are getting married or have been married for years, you need to study how to be better at it, study God’s example on how to love your spouse better.

2 Timothy 2:15Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

We have to study and prepare for life and marriage. And we have to commit the vows of the scriptures to memory, so that we may be able to fight the battle. The battle is against what the world says about marriage. Prepare yourself for this battle:

Psalm 119:11
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you

Ephesians 6:13
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Putting on the armor and fighting the battle, is just another way of saying READ what God has said in His word, Know Him better, Pursue Christ likeness, Arm yourself with the sword of truth means, memorize God’s word and take it with you.

The sWORD of truth was the foundational topic of my son’s 13^th birthday celebration, when my niece turned 13 my brother performed a little ceremony where he spoke to his daughter about foundational topics and in the end asked her to wear a promise ring agreeing publicly to dedication to God and commitment to purity. When my son approached 13 I wanted to have the opportunity to do the same sort of thing, but did not think a ring would communicate the same thing. I had heard of fathers doing a right of passage ceremony and liked the little I heard. So I decided that I would buy my son a sword and ask him to hang it on his wall to remind him of the commitments he had made. I spoke to him about the Word of God as his instruction book for life, I also spoke to him about the use of his own words and how important it was to choose his words carefully when speaking to his parents, his sister and his friends. I stressed the importance of memorizing the scriptures. I told him the story of the 2 bull dogs. I said imagine if you had 2 bull dogs that were in separate pens, one that is white and the other black. The white one represents all that is good and Godly. The other is black and represents all the world has to offer. Now what if you went out every day and only fed the black one, but neglected the white one, which one would be stronger? Of course he answered the one you feed the most is going to be the stronger one. I went on to say the feeding the dogs represent what you do every day. What you see, what you hear and what you do. The moral of the story is that if you spend too much time welcoming the input of the world and not enough time reading Gods word, listening to Godly people and doing what you know is right then you will be feeding the wrong dog.

The problem with this story is that someone is always feeding the black dog; there is so much food for him. If we are going to catch up, we really need to work at it.

If we are not reading the scriptures and memorizing what it says, then we are fighting a loosing battle or as I often like to say we need to the mental road blocks.

Mental road blocks are anything that allows us to not go there.. You have probably even heard these words from your spouse. “Don’t go there…” We want to respond to our husband or wife in a way that is not honoring to God, say they have just said something hurtful, our natural reaction is to respond with something like “But you always…”  or  “You never…” A good road block for this would be “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up.” Or “Do not retaliate….”

Words are the foundation. God’s word is alive and can not be matched. Reading His word is by far the best thing we can ever do. Also, reading books that direct us to the scriptures is necessary to build the road blocks. Feed the white bull dog! Read God’s love letter to you. Study, hide it in your heart, put on the armor and fight for what is right before God.

So next time you pick up the Holy Bible think to yourself I am going to study to be the best husband or wife I can possibly be. Even better, pick it up together with that purpose in mind, and pray together that God would teach you

READ! It just may save your marriage.

Read with Me!